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An introvert’s guide to solo travel: 5 rules to a successful adventure

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I posted this on my Medium page, not knowing if it falls under “Travel Writing” or plain essays. In any case, I’ll cross-post here and hope for the best!

There’s something of an art to balancing over-planning a trip and have it be so much I’ll just wing it that the trip becomes a logistical nightmare once you arrive. And as I didn’t do a wrap-up post for my Southeast Asia Adventure, I’ll let this one stand in its place.

It goes like this…

I had just returned from 3 weeks in Southeast Asia. It had been a rough few months at work, with an overload of “on”: meetings and projects and deadlines, and too little of the quiet, nature-filled and people-free moments that enable me to adequately recharge my batteries. So when the opportunity to visit my uncle in Bangkok over the holidays presented itself, I seized the day, as it were, to carve an itinerary around that visit.

I’m also the textbook definition of an introvert: I avoid parties and am exhausted by small talk and crowds; I’m very careful about who I share my thoughts and feelings with, and I need my “alone time” to recharge and feel human again. I plan and read and write and consider…and I often find destination inspiration from mythology or historical fiction or travel writing. And it seems strange, but I tend to bump into my kind of people when I’m travelling. Once away, there is little time for small talk, and there are usually mutual reasons for being in that place; so conversation, even with complete strangers, doesn’t feel like a burden or a chore. I don’t feel judged or awkward or out of place because, well, I am out of place…so that thing is an immediate known, and it is therefore immediately off the table as a source of anxiety. This is the contradictory and backwards logic which rules an introvert’s life (yet confounds many an extrovert), but also that which makes so many other things accessible in far-flung places.

So, Bangkok.

Truth be told, I didn’t fall in love with Bangkok the first time I was there — the congestion and the crowds and the plastic-wrapped everything turned me off. But my uncle is amazing and I wanted to see him and his partner in their 2nd home, knowing that locals always have better insight of a place than tourists with a map. I’m happy to report that my subsequent experience in that wild and weird city gave me a newfound appreciation for the neighbourhoods, the markets, the food, and of course the home-away-from-home-hospitality, all in a few short days.

From Bangkok, I took off to do and see things that have been on a list of sorts for ages… I dove in the Myeik Archipelago in the Indian Ocean, went on a hot air balloon flight over the ancient ruins at Bagan, and took a (really) long boat ride up the Irrawaddy River. Upon suggestion, I visited the floating villages and mind-boggling temples of Inle Lake, experienced sunrise at the Shwedagon Pagoda (where legend asserts that 8 hairs of the Buddha reside), and ate my way through an assortment of Asian cuisines in Yangon.

While I’ve travelled solo before, this was the longest and farthest I’ve gone without a co-conspirator to share at least part of the journey. In looking at what worked on this trip and others I’ve taken, I’ve come up with some rules (aside from the obvious ones around personal safety and general hygiene) for a successful adventure, more-so if you’re of an introverted constitution…

Start and end with a base.

If you’re flying in and out of the same airport, it’s nice to begin and end in the same place. An Airbnb, apartment or guest house is a cosier starting and ending point than a sterile hotel. I stayed in an apartment in their building in Bangkok, and it was nice having a place to myself in a place I sort-of knew (I stayed here last time as well), and a safe base with which to bookend the trip. I’ve stayed at the same B&B in Istanbul 3 times because it’s in a great location and a cosy place to call home for a few days. This gives a sense of clarity and belonging to the perhaps otherwise daunting trip.

Map an itinerary.

I’m not a fan of planning every minute of every day when I travel, but I usually create a map on Google Maps and dot it with places I want to see, places I’ve read about or that people have recommended, or with things to do or see that just look cool. That way, whether I want to relax for a day or go out and do it all, I’ve got a list of sites to see and things to do instead of just winging it and hoping for the best. These pinpoints can help fill in those lulls or can help you feel less stressed-out about what to see or do when you get there if you don’t have a tour or a guide lined up.

In Bagan, I knew I wanted to see the only Hindu temple there, so I made sure to plot it on my map. In Istanbul, I wanted to climb to the top of the Galata Tower. In Iceland, I wanted to see Kirkjufellsfoss… A little pre-planning also helps you be a bit more confident about the unfamiliar — you’ve done some research and mapped the basics. Even if you get lost (which I’m known to do pretty much everywhere new I go), exploring on your own is a little less scary if you’ve already seen it on a map.

Learn a few words and respect customs.

I’m not a fan of small talk, but a few words can go a long way. Even just hello (mingalaba in Burma, Sawasdee ka in Thailand) and thank you (khab-kun-ka in Thailand, jezu-beh in Burma) help immensely in eliciting massive smiles from complete strangers, even if you butcher it at first. At the markets in Burma, negotiating can be done with fingers (3 fingers, for example, for 3000 kyat). Take your shoes off when you enter a temple or someone’s home. Don’t point your feet at someone when you’re talking or touch someone’s head…(there are so many more, especially when monks are concerned). I tend to travel quietly and spend a lot of time observing and absorbing my surroundings, with the keen awareness that I’m the visitor in someone else’s homeland. You don’t have to have full conversations with everyone you meet or launch into a protracted apology for your country’s (erm) political situation, but a smile, a mingalaba and a small bow or head nod can certainly improve your day.

Make friends with the guest house staff.

Wherever possible, I stay at guest houses or B&B’s vs. hotels. I’ve found that the hosts are usually lovely humans who deal with solo travellers from all over the world all the time. These people can help point you in the direction of off-the-beaten-track things to do, they usually have great suggestions for where to eat, and can help make your stay feel a little less sterile. In Dubrovnik, I spent a night in a guest house near the port to avoid the hell-crowds of the Old City. The guest house owner not only took me to a food festival with him and his family (he even drove me there on his scooter and showed me around!), but held a suitcase until I returned, arranged my next guest house for me, and made sure I had everything squared away for a stress-free few days. When I arrived in Split, it was late and I had a brutal head cold. The host at the guest house (that he had arranged) made me tea and welcomed me with open arms even though it was 10pm and I could see she was tired. In Mandalay, I talked pollution and politics with the guest house owner, and only wished I had more time there to take one of her cooking classes.

Do the thing.

Climb the mountain. Seek out the ruin. Visit that hidden cave. Find the weirdest Atlas Obscura post and go find it: the Jumping Cat monastery (real…in Inle Lake), or that 1000-year-old ball of monkey dung (Not real. I hope.). If there’s a thing you have an inkling to do or see, Go. Do. It. When’s the next time you’ll be here? Will you regret not indulging your curiosity or seeing that thing you’ve read about? Solo travel is a perfect way for an introvert to practice the art of saying yes to things outside the norm (hint: nobody is watching, and if they are, you’ll probably never see them again!).

The bottom line is this: travelling solo does not in any way mean you must spend your entire holiday alone. In fact, it means that you can write your own itinerary, seek quiet open spaces or crowded markets where you can get lost amongst the masses. Or both. You can see that place that’s always been on your bucket list, or you can take 2 hours strolling down an interesting beach. You aren’t beholden to a tour group’s agenda, nor do you have to negotiate what to do or see with a co-traveller during a limited holiday. It’s harder, for sure, since you are 100% responsible for whether or not you actually see the place you’re visiting. But it’s liberating and empowering much more than it is scary or (yes, sometimes) lonely.

I’ve bonded instantly with other solo women travellers from all corners of the planet, and I’ve had fantastic conversations with strangers I’ll never see again on a plane, bus, park bench or restaurant. For the introvert in me, these types of small talk are somehow easier than the ones back home. Going out to dinner on my own when I’m home doesn’t happen, yet while I’m travelling it’s usually the only option… In Bagan, I watched a traditional puppet show whilst eating local curry. In Inle Lake, I broke my own rules about drinking alone and had a Myanmar beer while eating a bowl of Tom Yam soup at a table in my own gazebo. For lunch one day, I had the best Indian food I’ve had outside of Rajasthan because I asked the hostess for her mother’s specialty.

No trip is flawless, whether you’re on a National Geographic excursion or a shoestring budget backpacking trip. I know this going in, and I plan what I can, improvise what’s left, and take interesting paths in the process. Also, loads of photos!

Try it, I say: you’re bound to come home with a treasure trove of stories to tell…to those lucky enough to be invited in to listen!

Year of Africa: On wrapping up the year, elephants, and what comes next.

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Towards the end of 2016 I sat, dumbfounded, unable to cobble together thoughts that weren’t alternately angry and helpless, or weren’t internal pleas for relief from who-knows-where. A certain level of resigned what-the-f*ck-ness filled and somehow glued me to my spot, writing blocked, spirit dampened.

In December, hoping to move some energy, release some creative something…hoping to get my body out of a place where my mind sat traumatized, I planned two trips to Africa. If there were any hopes of surviving the next 6-12 months (let alone the next 4 years) in this new version of the land I call home, this year would require open spaces, breathtaking nature, empathy, awe, wonder and adventure…

But first, we marched. We marched, some wearing pink hats and some carrying rainbow flags; some hoisting signs and balloons and banners… I didn’t want to go; because a Women’s March seemed exclusionary to me (little did I know what was to come in the following months), but a small-yet-persuasive band of male friends, gay and straight, helped change my mind. I was marching for freedom of speech and body; for the rights of my friends near and far; for equal pay and equal respect and equal human-ness, regardless of colour, accent, sexual preference… I marched because in some ways I felt guilty to be among the privileged whose marriage or healthcare or way of life wasn’t immediately threatened by the disease now infecting the White House. I marched in solidarity. I marched to say f*ck you to the orange disaster.

And for a few weeks, it felt good to be outspoken about politics. And it felt okay to write some things and get some of the crushing inertia off my chest. And, slowly, like an ice floe might creep up on you to encase your ankles in its bone-chilling grasp, it became horrifying to read the news. Because Russia and misogyny and pee tapes and climate deniers and North Korea and Access Hollywood and lies and propaganda and golf outings in lieu of job responsibilities and resignations and firings and more lies…Look! Squirrel!

I lament that we’re in a time where one must be a carefully-crafted brand to get noticed; when quantity (of likes) wins over quality (of most everything); how the president of my country governs rules in 140-word gibberish, his sycophants eating up the doublespeak and rhetoric.

So, when January came and went, then February, and planning was in full gear for Africa trip #1 and Turkish Airlines changed my return flight to include a 2-day layover in Istanbul, I considered it a bonus. More-so in hindsight, now that my passport is worthless there. For the record, Turkey is gorgeous.

Blue Mosque

Despite the political climate, I was determined to squeeze the most from this year. 2016’s angst would not become 2017’s tumour, if I had anything to do with it. And so 2017 was dubbed Year of Africa (tho only 2-1/2 weeks were spent there in total) …a series of adventures designed to escape a weirdening world and celebrate a half-century on it.

Milestones: I visited 7 countries, stepped foot on 3 foreign continents, experienced myriad cultures; I saw wild elephants, lions, zebras, ostriches, warthogs and more birds than I can name; I restocked my spice cabinet with Zanzibari cardamom (fantastic) and Turkish tea (not so much), cumin from Qatar, cloves from Pemba Island. I spent my 50th birthday in Paris with a favourite human. I named a spirit animal. There’s always an elephant.

A couple of years ago, a friend asked me what I thought my spirit animal was. I didn’t have a good answer. Turtle, I wondered. I feel most free when diving. Turtles are remarkable creatures; humble and curious, diligent and persistent. Eagle? I am mesmerised by birds of prey, bald eagles most profoundly. Eagles represent freedom and power and keenness and precision. But the elephant has been a guiding light throughout my life and a recurring theme these last several years. Ganesha, my Hindu patron saint, represents the light of new beginnings; he’s the remover of obstacles. In other cultures, the elephant stands for power and strength; empathy, loyalty, wisdom… I had not seen one in the wild until this summer, yet only recently have I begun to notice the overriding ele theme in my flat. My last day in Botswana burned into my heart an experience I won’t soon forget. And so it’s now more than ever that I am humbled by the magic of elephants.

The doing part of this year was good. My hard work has paid off, duly rewarded with more work. Tho procrastination has paid off as well, rewarded with inner frustration and a book yet-to-be discovered (anyone know a good literary agent…or someone famous?). I gave my Nikon D80 to my niece and I’m excited that she’s got the camera bug too. I put more of my photography out in the world. Some of it, I’d even venture to consider decent. I feel more like a writer and a photographer than I have in ages, and with that comes responsibility: to have integrity, to resist publishing crap for popularity’s sake, to learn the difference between constructive criticism and trolling (and how to respond to each), to find my niche…

I’m ending this year feeling more vulnerable than I started. Like I’ve opened doors I need to walk through or be forever disgusted with my own inability to follow-through on something that has a 50/50 chance to end in disaster. Mind churns: What if I’m wrong? …But what if I’m right?

I’m ending this year feeling conflicted. I’m afraid that the future of intimacy might be at stake. I wonder whether all the good men are walking on eggshells each day, not knowing what to say (or what to do with their hands), lest they be branded a predator. I wonder if we’re overreacting, and in the same breath or thought, I wonder if we’re not reacting loudly enough. Yes, #metoo. And, yes, many of the most fantastic people in my world are men. Yet there are so many assholes in power who still think the rules don’t apply to them, it’s unfathomable. It’s not really all that hard, is it? No means no. Permission must be granted. Call me daft, but most women still don’t like unsolicited dick pix or catcalls or when you talk to our boobs or grab our ass on the subway or use your power to make us feel like we haven’t got any. The men I’ve got in my world already subscribe to this, yet I fear they’re the ones who will pay for #metoo exposing pervasive asshat behaviour.

And I’m ending this year more dedicated than ever to bring what I learn on the mat, off it. To think and feel and do in equal measure; balancing the head and the heart and the body to stay sane in a time where each day’s news bulletins are more absurd and frightening than the previous. To not let equanimity cancel out passion, and let iccha guide the fork-in-the-road decisions: What feels right, usually is. Right isn’t always easy. Easy isn’t always the most fun. The most fun isn’t always the right path. The right path will make itself known if you allow it. Then the journey becomes brighter…

Who’s with me in calling for peace and love and compassion and empathy and fairness and kindness and humility and integrity to be the prevailing tendencies in 2018?